Who's to Blame?

My wife spends mornings struggling to get my seven-year-old daughter dressed (trust me I’ll get to the point quick). After a while my wife asks me if I feel she is enabling the problem by helping our daughter every morning instead of requiring her to do such things for herself. My response, “Of course! And you’ll probably be the mom that fills out your daughter’s college applications and calls her guidance counselor when she needs a transcript sent.”

This week during one of my high school visits I listened to a college counselor vent for 45 minutes that she knew there we over a dozen seniors that had missed her October 10^th deadline to get recommendations and transcripts mailed prior to the November 1^st Early Decision deadlines. Seems she has a blue form that must be completed by the students to request items be sent. “They think just because they told me they were going to apply that I’ll do everything, I’m not sending anything until I get that blue sheet. If they think I’m going to track them down, they better think again. There are only eight working days until November 1^st and I need notice to get things out in a timely manner.” She calmed down and said she was going to have to send an email to parents to make sure these things got done. Why, because many parents have enabled their children to the point that they can’t think for themselves. Many of our applicants have their lives so structured, scheduled, and planned out that they need their parents to take care of anything that is outside the norm.

This is a problem because the college search is supposed to be a student’s journey. Parents should support and counsel; but, the student should be the driver. My advice is simple, for students: schedule your own visits, be aware of your deadlines, complete your own transcript request forms; and even if you have parents that love you to the point that they want to do these things for you, don’t let them! For parents: challenge your child to take control of their college search and tell them that you will not do everything for them, be confident that if you counsel your child properly they will do the right thing, certainly remind them what they need to do but avoid the temptation to do it for them.

Best of luck to all of you applying Early Decision somewhere. Get those transcript request forms in!